She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
