I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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