He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
