Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
