what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
