At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
