Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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