Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize