I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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