fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
