Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
