how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
