"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
