I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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