Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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