i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
