as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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