What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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