If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
