how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
