so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
