I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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