ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
