i think my tv is drunk
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
