i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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