I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize