everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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