Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
