3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
