Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
