Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
