I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
