Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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