I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
