I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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