You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
