I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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