i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
