We're facebook friends in real life
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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