dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
