whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize