She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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