He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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