What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
