it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
