yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
