this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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