my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
