Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
