my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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