Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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