bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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