so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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