Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
