thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
