member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
