my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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