how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
