Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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