So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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