i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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