would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
