Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
