I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
