..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize