apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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