Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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